April 6, 2008

What is there to say?

I sit here and wonder what there is to say about the current state of things. The Guildhall is a psychological roller coaster, and today I feel like I've just been at a low point. As of Friday, I was feeling pretty good, I had chosen to sleep instead of work, one of the professors had actually asked for my help in discussing the stress/work level of the remaining LDs in my cohort, I started talking about my thesis with the coordinator of the program, and I "finished" and submitted my vignette. A pretty good day I'd say.

I hung out with people for most of Friday night, I took yesterday completely off and just vegged around my apartment. I should feel great, and yet I feel like something is weighing down on me, and I'm not really sure what it is. We have a TGP (Team Game Production, i.e. Extinction) milestone this week, but I think we are well poised to deliver on it, so what is there to worry about? Maybe it's just that my work on the Extinction level is taking longer than I want, or maybe its the many additional duties of being the Producer and trying desperately to coordinate everything while still working on the project. I couldn't really say, which is where this post comes from. I just know that I feel stressed out and I can't really pinpoint the source.

Actually, I'm not sure I've ever really been able to pinpoint it. Sometimes, yes, a particular project would seem like too much, and it was easy to blame that for my stress, but most of the time, it's a general sense of unease and tension. There are a lot of potential causes for it, probably too numerous to list at this point, but in my discussion with the professor on Friday, I urged him to bring the discussion to the class, to get the real picture about what's going on. I know he doesn't want to take time out of class since we are already slammed, but I think it's a discussion we need to have if things are going to get better. We were 17 when we started, now we are 7, that kind of turnover is unheard of, and there's talk that that number may sink even lower before the end.

Anyway, I could spend all my time thinking about what might be causing my unease, or I can move to resolving as best I know how: by finishing as much of my work as I can, and trying to plan for the rest of it. I hope you all have a good night!

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