April 1, 2008

Too Tired To Fight

Well, that was weird. I guess sleep deprivation is catching up with me again, though admittedly I don't think I'm that far behind. I came home, sat down on the couch for a minute and just couldn't keep my eyes open. Anyway, I just got back from a C9 Level Design dinner which was more or less a round-robin bitch session followed by a long discussion with one of the C7 LDs (graduated last term) about why the program sucks. Try keeping a positive outlook in the face of that!

There were certainly some things I wanted to say to the C7 who is, in fact, a friend, but I guess I was just too tired from the day and a pretty heavy dinner, so I didn't really say anything. I don't really think she was wrong, but I'm not sure if she was right about everything either, at least my positions were different. I guess I was just deferring to her seniority and experience which may or may not have been the right thing to do. Either way, I feel like those two events back-to-back just took the wind out of my sails and left me feeling completely unmotivated.

I will admit the program has its flaws, most notably I do not think that the intensity of the program is necessary or even really wise. Sure, I think we are incredibly well conditioned to deal with situations as they come up in industry, but I guess I'm not sure this is the only way to get that experience, but maybe I'm naive. I've been feeling generally upbeat lately, but I guess that conversation just threw me back into a sort of depressed work spiral and I am having a bit of a hard time pulling out of it. I realize it was just the thoughts of a single individual and I should let it get to me. I also realize that I really shouldn't try to analyze or think about anything too hard when I am tired, so maybe that's what I should do...

The DFS blockout went well I think, and Extinction seems to be on pace as far as I can tell. We got a little sidetracked as we lost one of our artists, but it wasn't exactly a surprise so I think the art team was at least partially prepared. Still the loss of anyone is troublesome in the middle of one of these tight projects. I'm still working on asserting myself as a leader, and I think I am at least progressing. It's an ongoing development and I imagine it will be for some time, but of any of the skills I think that I need to develop, that one occurs to me the most.

I feel like things are generally good overall. There's a lot I need to do over the next few days, but what else is new? We have our LD midterm assignment due Friday and some Ethics stuff on Friday as well. I think I am going to try to do some organization tonight, take it a bit easy, and hopefully sleep off this weird funk I'm now in. I'm probably just tired, and I've definitely experienced the consequences of thinking too much while being sleep deprived, so I'll try to put off these negative thoughts for a little while.

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